love sonnet xvii

Love Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

working diagnosis

I met with Dr. Lacey this morning. He ordered another outpatient test. I am going to swallow a capsule that has a tiny camera in it that will move through my entire small intestine. Apparently during the endoscopy, colonoscopy, and that weird barium Xray they didn't see any of the small intestine, or just not enough of it to make a solid diagnosis.

So on Dec. 22 I can only have clear liquids, and then on Dec. 23 I go to the hospital to have this done. They are just going to stick electrodes all over my stomach and the front part of my body, and then I wear a vest and have to attach a battery pack on my pants or shirt or something. (Weirdly enough, I am not allowed to go to a bank while wearing this. They had one patient go to the bank and the cops were called! lol) Then I will swallow the camera pill and go about my normal day. The doctor will tell me after I'm all hooked up when I should return back to the hospital, probably between 3-4 pm. The camera capsule will just pass through my body and get flushed.

This camera will take 3,000+ pictures. They are looking for any tears, ulcers, inflammation, etc. that might be in the small intestine. So right now my "working diagnosis" is Crohn's Disease of the Small Bowel. It differs from regular Crohn's in that my colon is not involved at all. The doctor said that was a little unusual, but not unheard of or anything.

I asked him if they do this camera capsule and everything comes back normal, then what? He thinks they are going to find something in the small intestine, but if not, it is probably just IBS. If it is just IBS, he said we can discuss my options as far as diet, stress level, etc. He also said he'd be able to write me another prescription to help slow my digestive system down.

I'll keep you posted as to what they find, if anything.

electricity is a wonderful thing

Hi guys, Hebs here. So if you're wondering why you haven't heard from us lately...it is because we've been without power! We had a snowstorm which gave us a good 10 inches of snow and no electricty or heat for about 4 days. So those weekend plans in my previous post were completely shot. :(

My brother, who lives in Arizona said the weather there was 90 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. Thanks for rubbing it in!

However, Dexter did get to enjoy some time at my parents, Grammy and Pappy's house. My dad and Dex formed a special bond, that both days when I walked in the door home from work, Dex would bark and growl at me. Hmm. Not purely coincidental, I'm sure! Dexter also got regular walks around the block with his Pappy and even a trip to the store! No carrier, no one to hold him, just Dexter freely walking around the car seats and my dad's lap. He better have enjoyed that time, because now that he's back with just us, I'm far too neurotic to let that happen!

I have a bunch of pictures to post from Jess and Brian's Halloween party, Dexter in the leaves, and now Dexter in the snow. Hoping to do that over the weekend! :)

I hope everyone is enjoying the gorgeous Fall weather! I know I am!

hebs' health update

I got my bloodwork results back from my gastro office. Everything was "within normal limits," which I am super happy about! No thyroid issues here! :) I guess I was just made to be short. :)

However, that most likely means I have an IBD. I still obviously have to go through both procedures for the doctors to know for sure what it is and hopefully they can determine what is causing my issues. An IBD is a chronic autoimmune disease, but there are medications and dietary changes you can make to help you control it. So that will be good to know. Because this whole going to the bathroom 24/7 is getting really old. Also, there is a sharp jabbing pain that keeps happening in my lower abdomin off and on.

Anywho.....

Hubs and I had a great weekend playing outside in the leaves with Dexter and at a Halloween party with friends! :) Those posts will be coming up later this week.

Looking forward to this busy weekend coming up, too! Hubs' older brother and sister-in-law are staying with us this, I'm celebrating my favorite aunt's birthday on Friday night with a girl's night in, crafting Christmas presents on Saturday with Dexter's Aunt Heather, confirmation class reunion on Sunday, followed by celebrating Hubs' younger brother's birthday. Hopefully I can keep up with my schedule! :)

LOVING this Fall weather, too! Definitely puts me in a productive, feel-good mood.

"big rig"

I had my first day of school tonight! I was very happy that Mommy held me in the car ride over to PetSmart. I'm hoping they gave up on the carrier idea and I'll never have to go in that death trap again! I'm always so nervous in there. That's why I keep barking and having accidents. I hope Mommy and Daddy realized that now and will never make me go in there again!

At school tonight it was just me and an Australian Ridgeback puppy named Briggs. Briggs' daddy said he was 4 months old, but I highly doubt that!! He was so big! One of his floppy ears was probably the length of my entire body!

Briggs wasn't barking, but he did keep getting dangerously close to Daddy's feet. I had to bark a few times to let him know who's boss and to back up off of my Daddy! Briggs, however, did not seem to understand this. I barked and barked all though the pet lady's demonstration. Mommy looked a little embarassed and said she couldn't believe I was this barking this much!

The pet lady kept using Briggs for demonstrations. I know how to "sit," too, lady! I think my intimidating bark was throwing her off. I did get to play a fun game with Mommy and Daddy, though. I think it is called the "Yes" game. Mommy would say "yes" and put a tiny treat in my mouth. Then Daddy would do it. They did this over and over and I was so excited that I was getting so many treats, I was going to pay attention to whatever they wanted me to do!

Next, Mommy and Daddy would take turns asking me to "sit." Since I am pretty accomplished at this task, I did it without any problems! Then they would say "yes" and put a little treat in my mouth. A pug could get used to this! After that we did another treat-getting game called "Watch Me." Daddy took a little treat, put it above my nose, and then brought the treat all the way up to his face, between his eyes. If I watched him the entire time, I got the treat! If I looked away, I had to do it again. I was much better at this with Daddy than Mommy. (I think Mommy may need to go to her own school to figure this out!)

After the class ended, Briggs and I were allowed "play time." Well, I did not want to play with Briggs, so I kept barking until he came close. Then I had to scoot under Mommy legs. I wasn't scared, you see, I just had to protect underneath Mommy's legs in case Briggs thought he could get under there. Daddy started calling Briggs "Big Rig" because he kept pawing at me and even knocked me down a few times. He wasn't trying to be mean; I think he's just big and goofy! He was nice enough, I guess, but I just do not want to sniff his butt yet, and I would have appreciated it if he'd stop trying to sniff mine! I guess I will need to work on my butt-sniffing techniques for next week's class. Next week there is also supposed to be a little Sheltie puppy joining us. Maybe he will play nicely with me!

pumpkin carving

Mommy and Daddy had some friends over this past weekend with some pumpkins! And then they cut up the pumpkins, scooped out the guts, put candles in them, and took them outside to admire them.

I don't get it. ?? No one would let me eat the pumpkin guts, either, so I don't know what the point of scooping them out was!

We also went to the Halloween parade. I was very scared--not of the spookies walking in the parade, but of the loud noises! Mommy, Daddy and Uncle Jeff took turns holding me. Mommy also put me in a pumpkin costume and kept saying how cute I looked. I hope she doesn't do this every day now! There were a few little kids that wanted to pet me, too! I was pretty sleepy, so I let them pet me without biting. I think Mommy and Daddy were happy about that.

I also met Chloe this past weekend. She is a little Havanese dog. Her mommy Amanda showed us all the tricks she could do--sit, lay down, roll over, beg, and even jump up on her hind legs! When Amanda said "Where's your tail, Chloe?" Chloe would actually turn around and bite her tail! I acted disinterested, but I was actually pretty impressed. I mean, I know how to sit, too, but I didn't feel the need to show off. Mommy hopes that when I start my puppy classes tonight that I'll be learning all those things, too. I hope she's right!



Me with Mommy & Daddy's friends and their pumpkins.
(You can see Tom holding Chloe)



Me, looking quite sleepy, with Mommy and Daddy at the parade

Spooky pumpkins. The pumpkin that is eating a little pumpkin, made by Aunt Heather, was the winner!
Congratulations Aunt Heather!

Oh, and one more thing. I had a vet appointment last night with Dr. Rich. I got two more shots, including one for rabies. I hardly noticed because I was eating treats! Dr. Rich was a little worried about my little nose. He said that Mommy and Daddy might want to see about me maybe having surgery on it when I'm older to help me breathe easier. I think Mommy and Daddy like my constant snorting, though. Why would they want to change me, anyway? I'm a pug and pugs snort. :) I have to go back in three weeks for two more shots, and then three weeks after that for another shot. Then I'm done with all my vaccines!

**Awesome photos are by Uncle Jeff. Mommy really needs to start taking more pictures!

third time's a charm

This is actually a post written by Hebs today. Dexter needed the day off to rest up for his wellness vet appointment tonight. :)

This was not supposed to be a blog addressing all of the health concerns of my pug and myself, but it seems like that's what it is turning into lately...

Just wanted to give you guys an update on what's going on with me.

I met with a new gastroenterologist yesterday morning, and wow is she amazing! What a wonderful doctor--incredibly thorough! I addressed all of the issues I've been having (bathroom issues, blood, lower abdomin pain, inability to gain weight) and she outlined a course of action. I'm going to have bloodwork done (ugh! needles!) to test me for Hyperactive Thyroid, Celiac's disease, Anemia, and to see how my blood clots. Next month I will be having my third colonoscopy and first endoscopy. Slightly freaking out about going through all this again. And then freaking out slightly more about the endoscopy part because I haven't had that done that before.

My doctor is hopeful we will figure out what is causing my problems and can determine what medications may help and what foods I may be allergic to. They will be looking at my colon, large intestine, small intestine, and even my esophagaus. Hopefully they will find the knife that feels like its been floating through my intestines!

My doctor thinks I may have an IBD, an irritable bowel disorder (not to be confused with IBS, irritable bowel syndrome, which I was diagnosed with after colonoscopy #2). An IBD (diseases like Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's disease) is an autoimmune disease. IBS is more related to outside influences, such as diet and stress (just to name a few causes). She thinks I may have a form of Ulcerative Colitis, coupled with an overactive thyroid. The thyroid issue comes in to play since I haven't grown in height and weight since middle school age, I have lost weight recently and haven't been able to gain it back, and have had some anxiety and feeling "jittery" for no reason.

I don't know who is reading this other than my friends and family, but if you are having any sort of "bathroom issues" I urge you to consult your doctor. It may be embarassing to talk about and to have any sort of procedures done, but if it will answer your problems in the long run, it is completely worth it! Trust me. I am the shyest person ever (I wouldn't even tell some people the name of this blog because I am too embarassed to have them read my ramblings) and was able to go to not one, not two, but THREE doctors about this over the course of 6 years. You can do it. :)