love sonnet xvii

Love Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

working diagnosis

I met with Dr. Lacey this morning. He ordered another outpatient test. I am going to swallow a capsule that has a tiny camera in it that will move through my entire small intestine. Apparently during the endoscopy, colonoscopy, and that weird barium Xray they didn't see any of the small intestine, or just not enough of it to make a solid diagnosis.

So on Dec. 22 I can only have clear liquids, and then on Dec. 23 I go to the hospital to have this done. They are just going to stick electrodes all over my stomach and the front part of my body, and then I wear a vest and have to attach a battery pack on my pants or shirt or something. (Weirdly enough, I am not allowed to go to a bank while wearing this. They had one patient go to the bank and the cops were called! lol) Then I will swallow the camera pill and go about my normal day. The doctor will tell me after I'm all hooked up when I should return back to the hospital, probably between 3-4 pm. The camera capsule will just pass through my body and get flushed.

This camera will take 3,000+ pictures. They are looking for any tears, ulcers, inflammation, etc. that might be in the small intestine. So right now my "working diagnosis" is Crohn's Disease of the Small Bowel. It differs from regular Crohn's in that my colon is not involved at all. The doctor said that was a little unusual, but not unheard of or anything.

I asked him if they do this camera capsule and everything comes back normal, then what? He thinks they are going to find something in the small intestine, but if not, it is probably just IBS. If it is just IBS, he said we can discuss my options as far as diet, stress level, etc. He also said he'd be able to write me another prescription to help slow my digestive system down.

I'll keep you posted as to what they find, if anything.