love sonnet xvii

Love Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

working diagnosis

I met with Dr. Lacey this morning. He ordered another outpatient test. I am going to swallow a capsule that has a tiny camera in it that will move through my entire small intestine. Apparently during the endoscopy, colonoscopy, and that weird barium Xray they didn't see any of the small intestine, or just not enough of it to make a solid diagnosis.

So on Dec. 22 I can only have clear liquids, and then on Dec. 23 I go to the hospital to have this done. They are just going to stick electrodes all over my stomach and the front part of my body, and then I wear a vest and have to attach a battery pack on my pants or shirt or something. (Weirdly enough, I am not allowed to go to a bank while wearing this. They had one patient go to the bank and the cops were called! lol) Then I will swallow the camera pill and go about my normal day. The doctor will tell me after I'm all hooked up when I should return back to the hospital, probably between 3-4 pm. The camera capsule will just pass through my body and get flushed.

This camera will take 3,000+ pictures. They are looking for any tears, ulcers, inflammation, etc. that might be in the small intestine. So right now my "working diagnosis" is Crohn's Disease of the Small Bowel. It differs from regular Crohn's in that my colon is not involved at all. The doctor said that was a little unusual, but not unheard of or anything.

I asked him if they do this camera capsule and everything comes back normal, then what? He thinks they are going to find something in the small intestine, but if not, it is probably just IBS. If it is just IBS, he said we can discuss my options as far as diet, stress level, etc. He also said he'd be able to write me another prescription to help slow my digestive system down.

I'll keep you posted as to what they find, if anything.

electricity is a wonderful thing

Hi guys, Hebs here. So if you're wondering why you haven't heard from us lately...it is because we've been without power! We had a snowstorm which gave us a good 10 inches of snow and no electricty or heat for about 4 days. So those weekend plans in my previous post were completely shot. :(

My brother, who lives in Arizona said the weather there was 90 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. Thanks for rubbing it in!

However, Dexter did get to enjoy some time at my parents, Grammy and Pappy's house. My dad and Dex formed a special bond, that both days when I walked in the door home from work, Dex would bark and growl at me. Hmm. Not purely coincidental, I'm sure! Dexter also got regular walks around the block with his Pappy and even a trip to the store! No carrier, no one to hold him, just Dexter freely walking around the car seats and my dad's lap. He better have enjoyed that time, because now that he's back with just us, I'm far too neurotic to let that happen!

I have a bunch of pictures to post from Jess and Brian's Halloween party, Dexter in the leaves, and now Dexter in the snow. Hoping to do that over the weekend! :)

I hope everyone is enjoying the gorgeous Fall weather! I know I am!

hebs' health update

I got my bloodwork results back from my gastro office. Everything was "within normal limits," which I am super happy about! No thyroid issues here! :) I guess I was just made to be short. :)

However, that most likely means I have an IBD. I still obviously have to go through both procedures for the doctors to know for sure what it is and hopefully they can determine what is causing my issues. An IBD is a chronic autoimmune disease, but there are medications and dietary changes you can make to help you control it. So that will be good to know. Because this whole going to the bathroom 24/7 is getting really old. Also, there is a sharp jabbing pain that keeps happening in my lower abdomin off and on.

Anywho.....

Hubs and I had a great weekend playing outside in the leaves with Dexter and at a Halloween party with friends! :) Those posts will be coming up later this week.

Looking forward to this busy weekend coming up, too! Hubs' older brother and sister-in-law are staying with us this, I'm celebrating my favorite aunt's birthday on Friday night with a girl's night in, crafting Christmas presents on Saturday with Dexter's Aunt Heather, confirmation class reunion on Sunday, followed by celebrating Hubs' younger brother's birthday. Hopefully I can keep up with my schedule! :)

LOVING this Fall weather, too! Definitely puts me in a productive, feel-good mood.

"big rig"

I had my first day of school tonight! I was very happy that Mommy held me in the car ride over to PetSmart. I'm hoping they gave up on the carrier idea and I'll never have to go in that death trap again! I'm always so nervous in there. That's why I keep barking and having accidents. I hope Mommy and Daddy realized that now and will never make me go in there again!

At school tonight it was just me and an Australian Ridgeback puppy named Briggs. Briggs' daddy said he was 4 months old, but I highly doubt that!! He was so big! One of his floppy ears was probably the length of my entire body!

Briggs wasn't barking, but he did keep getting dangerously close to Daddy's feet. I had to bark a few times to let him know who's boss and to back up off of my Daddy! Briggs, however, did not seem to understand this. I barked and barked all though the pet lady's demonstration. Mommy looked a little embarassed and said she couldn't believe I was this barking this much!

The pet lady kept using Briggs for demonstrations. I know how to "sit," too, lady! I think my intimidating bark was throwing her off. I did get to play a fun game with Mommy and Daddy, though. I think it is called the "Yes" game. Mommy would say "yes" and put a tiny treat in my mouth. Then Daddy would do it. They did this over and over and I was so excited that I was getting so many treats, I was going to pay attention to whatever they wanted me to do!

Next, Mommy and Daddy would take turns asking me to "sit." Since I am pretty accomplished at this task, I did it without any problems! Then they would say "yes" and put a little treat in my mouth. A pug could get used to this! After that we did another treat-getting game called "Watch Me." Daddy took a little treat, put it above my nose, and then brought the treat all the way up to his face, between his eyes. If I watched him the entire time, I got the treat! If I looked away, I had to do it again. I was much better at this with Daddy than Mommy. (I think Mommy may need to go to her own school to figure this out!)

After the class ended, Briggs and I were allowed "play time." Well, I did not want to play with Briggs, so I kept barking until he came close. Then I had to scoot under Mommy legs. I wasn't scared, you see, I just had to protect underneath Mommy's legs in case Briggs thought he could get under there. Daddy started calling Briggs "Big Rig" because he kept pawing at me and even knocked me down a few times. He wasn't trying to be mean; I think he's just big and goofy! He was nice enough, I guess, but I just do not want to sniff his butt yet, and I would have appreciated it if he'd stop trying to sniff mine! I guess I will need to work on my butt-sniffing techniques for next week's class. Next week there is also supposed to be a little Sheltie puppy joining us. Maybe he will play nicely with me!

pumpkin carving

Mommy and Daddy had some friends over this past weekend with some pumpkins! And then they cut up the pumpkins, scooped out the guts, put candles in them, and took them outside to admire them.

I don't get it. ?? No one would let me eat the pumpkin guts, either, so I don't know what the point of scooping them out was!

We also went to the Halloween parade. I was very scared--not of the spookies walking in the parade, but of the loud noises! Mommy, Daddy and Uncle Jeff took turns holding me. Mommy also put me in a pumpkin costume and kept saying how cute I looked. I hope she doesn't do this every day now! There were a few little kids that wanted to pet me, too! I was pretty sleepy, so I let them pet me without biting. I think Mommy and Daddy were happy about that.

I also met Chloe this past weekend. She is a little Havanese dog. Her mommy Amanda showed us all the tricks she could do--sit, lay down, roll over, beg, and even jump up on her hind legs! When Amanda said "Where's your tail, Chloe?" Chloe would actually turn around and bite her tail! I acted disinterested, but I was actually pretty impressed. I mean, I know how to sit, too, but I didn't feel the need to show off. Mommy hopes that when I start my puppy classes tonight that I'll be learning all those things, too. I hope she's right!



Me with Mommy & Daddy's friends and their pumpkins.
(You can see Tom holding Chloe)



Me, looking quite sleepy, with Mommy and Daddy at the parade

Spooky pumpkins. The pumpkin that is eating a little pumpkin, made by Aunt Heather, was the winner!
Congratulations Aunt Heather!

Oh, and one more thing. I had a vet appointment last night with Dr. Rich. I got two more shots, including one for rabies. I hardly noticed because I was eating treats! Dr. Rich was a little worried about my little nose. He said that Mommy and Daddy might want to see about me maybe having surgery on it when I'm older to help me breathe easier. I think Mommy and Daddy like my constant snorting, though. Why would they want to change me, anyway? I'm a pug and pugs snort. :) I have to go back in three weeks for two more shots, and then three weeks after that for another shot. Then I'm done with all my vaccines!

**Awesome photos are by Uncle Jeff. Mommy really needs to start taking more pictures!

third time's a charm

This is actually a post written by Hebs today. Dexter needed the day off to rest up for his wellness vet appointment tonight. :)

This was not supposed to be a blog addressing all of the health concerns of my pug and myself, but it seems like that's what it is turning into lately...

Just wanted to give you guys an update on what's going on with me.

I met with a new gastroenterologist yesterday morning, and wow is she amazing! What a wonderful doctor--incredibly thorough! I addressed all of the issues I've been having (bathroom issues, blood, lower abdomin pain, inability to gain weight) and she outlined a course of action. I'm going to have bloodwork done (ugh! needles!) to test me for Hyperactive Thyroid, Celiac's disease, Anemia, and to see how my blood clots. Next month I will be having my third colonoscopy and first endoscopy. Slightly freaking out about going through all this again. And then freaking out slightly more about the endoscopy part because I haven't had that done that before.

My doctor is hopeful we will figure out what is causing my problems and can determine what medications may help and what foods I may be allergic to. They will be looking at my colon, large intestine, small intestine, and even my esophagaus. Hopefully they will find the knife that feels like its been floating through my intestines!

My doctor thinks I may have an IBD, an irritable bowel disorder (not to be confused with IBS, irritable bowel syndrome, which I was diagnosed with after colonoscopy #2). An IBD (diseases like Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's disease) is an autoimmune disease. IBS is more related to outside influences, such as diet and stress (just to name a few causes). She thinks I may have a form of Ulcerative Colitis, coupled with an overactive thyroid. The thyroid issue comes in to play since I haven't grown in height and weight since middle school age, I have lost weight recently and haven't been able to gain it back, and have had some anxiety and feeling "jittery" for no reason.

I don't know who is reading this other than my friends and family, but if you are having any sort of "bathroom issues" I urge you to consult your doctor. It may be embarassing to talk about and to have any sort of procedures done, but if it will answer your problems in the long run, it is completely worth it! Trust me. I am the shyest person ever (I wouldn't even tell some people the name of this blog because I am too embarassed to have them read my ramblings) and was able to go to not one, not two, but THREE doctors about this over the course of 6 years. You can do it. :)

sick (again)

I don't think Mommy and Daddy were happy with me this past weekend. I've had a little tickle in my throat for a few days and I keep trying to get it out. Daddy had to call the vet to schedule an appointment for me after Aunt Heather's photo shoot.

Aunt Heather asked me to model some of her cowls (a scarf she knits in a loop!). She asked some of her other friends to model, too, but I was really the star of the show.

However, since I was not feeling so well, I had a few accidents in the car. Mommy and Daddy were not happy the first time, second time, OR the third time it happened. They gave up and let me slide around in my puddle until we made it to the park. Daddy had to wash me off in a pond. No one wanted to pet me as much after that. I was sad, but I knew I was a stinky puppy. Mommy cleaned out my carrier and I tried to thank her with a few little nips at her hands, but she didn't seem happy.

The photo shoot was a lot of fun. I got to see some of Mommy and Daddy's friends and got a lot of loving from my Auntie Jessi and Uncle Brian. Uncle Brian and I even got a picture together since we had the same green cowl. I looked a little better in it, though, and I think Auntie Jessie noticed. :)

Mommy held me on the way back to the vet. I like it better when she holds me in the car, anyway!

At the vet, we learned that I am now 7 pounds, 14 ounces! Every single day Mommy says that I am growing up too fast. I think I'm right on schedule. I'm not going to be a little baby pug forever, Mom!

Dr. Jamie pushed on my throat and I didn't like it. He used his cold tools on my neck and said he heard some congestion in there. He said he was going to give us coughing pills and pink medicine.

I guess Mommy and Daddy forgot about the coughing pills. They've been giving me these squishy lamb treats instead! I am always very excited to eat one and I gobble the whole thing down right away! The pink medicine, however, they did NOT forget.

Mommy pretends like she is going to rub my belly, but then holds down all of my legs! Then Daddy holds my mouth open to give me the medicine. They don't even give me a warning! I kick and wiggle and try to bite, but I can't get them off of me. Once the medicine is gone, I get one of my lamb treats, so I guess it's ok. I just always forget I'm going to get a treat afterwards. Maybe if they gave me one before, too, it would help me remember. :)

I am feeling pretty good lately. I guess that medicine is working. It's good, too, because I learned I am going to meet a new puppy friend on Saturday! Her name is Chloe and she is a little fluffy puppy. Her parents are friends with Mommy and Daddy. Mommy keeps saying she is so excited to see me play with a little dog my size. I'm not that little; I don't know what she's talking about!

Here I am looking quite handsome in the cowl Aunt Heather made for me.

No wonder Aunt Jessi had her eye on me. ;)

vet visit (from Dexter's perspective)

Mommy took me to the vet last night for a "wellness visit." If it was just so see how well I am, I don't know why I got stuck with a needle! Mommy looked pale and woozy and didn't think she could hold me for the shot, so Dr. Jamie had a vet tech girl come in to hold me. Mommy looked down at the floor when the shot was going in, but then petted me right away afterwards and my tail started wagging!

Dr. Jamie gave me a shot in the leg and then a different kind of shot up my little nose. It felt like getting water up my nose and I sneezed almost all of it out as soon as he did it! There were little bubbles coming out of my nose and everyone laughed.

I now weigh 6 pounds, 14 ounces and am three months old! Mommy said I will have to come back to the vet again in three weeks for another "wellness visit." I hope this time it really is just wellness and no shots!

Mommy told Daddy that I was a real champion at the vet! I don't mean to brag, but I think I might be the number one favorite patient at the animal hospital. All of the vet tech ladies are very excited to see me each time I come in. Even when I sick and my tummy was doing flip flops, they still wanted to see me. I give everyone kisses. Mommy says I am a little flirt. If being a flirt means giving kisses, I love being a flirt!

I also love to bite, too. When I bite Mommy she calls me another name that starts with an f... I don't think I'm allowed to say that name, though. Mommy always seems very angry when she says it.

I really wish I could stop biting. Mommy and Daddy like when I bite my toys and blanket. They could even settle for me biting their clothes and shoes. When I bite Mommy's hands and arms, though, I break through her soft skin. That is probably why she yells at me. I don't mean to hurt her, but sometimes I can't help myself. My teeth hurt so much! :(

august cabin trip

Our trip up to Kelly's cabin the last weekend in August was awesome. Hurricane Irene (I'm sure you've heard of it!) was coming up the East Coast, and here we were, going on a mini-vacation. When our friends got to our house and we packed up cars and left in a hurry, I'm sure our neighbors thought either we were storm chasers going after the hurricane, or packing up and getting the heck out of there! Neither! Just off to enjoy a weekend with friends. :)

I was a little leery to spend the weekend away, though, being a new homeowner. I was afraid of two things: either the HUMONGOUS tree (dubbed "Home Tree" from the movie Avatar--that's how big it is!) falling into our roof OR coming home to a swamp in our basement, which had already happened once.

But, our friends convinced me that if Home Tree fell on our house, it'd probably be better if we weren't there, anyway! So, we went, though I did feel a little guilty leaving "the Furnace" (what we call our house) unprotected. Hubs and I did bring in all the lawn furntire, the grill, and even the trash cans.

The cabin is located in beautiful northern, central PA. If the rest of the East Coast was experiencing hurricane weather, we'd never know it. We had clear skies perfect for hiking, kayaking and swimming, which we did all weekend!

I had never gone out in a kayak by myself before, and it was amazing. The water was beautiful, the temperature was perfect and I had an absolute blast! Brie and I ran into each other a few times, which only added to the fun. It's like we were the only ones on the lake! That is something I would DEFINTELY love to do again! Being on the water, surrounded by the beautiful Pennsylvania scenery, made me feel very small and in full awe of what is around me.

I have checked something off my bucket list; something I never realized was there to begin with! Jumping! From high heights!! You know that old saying about not jumping off a bridge because all your friends do? Well, I did just that. My friends jumped off a bridge and took roughly a 15 foot freefall into a lake. I, shakily, followed. First, of course, I watched Hubs jump off. He was nervous, too, but he doesn't get scared of things like I do. I don't think he's really afraid of anything. I didn't realize this before, but as I'm standing on the steel bridge between Rob and Kelly's gentle encouragement, I am TERRIFIED of heights! And, more specifically, jumping off of high objects and flailing in the air before hitting the water. After about 10 minutes of hyperventilating and my friends trying to pump me up, I did it. I held my nose, closed my eyes, stepped off the bridge and landed safely in the water. And then I clung to Hubs, who was waiting to get me to make sure I was ok. I'm glad I did it, but I don't think I will ever do it again.

My friends absolutely loved it and kept going back for more! Of course after doing it, my mind started racing with all these "what ifs." What if I hit a sharp rock on the bottom? What if I hit the water wrong and broke my neck? What if I slipped on the bridge and hit my head before going in? What if the water was too shallow and I broke my legs? Gah. Once and done. Everyone was fine, and for that I am thankful. :)

Later that night we witnessed Rob's proposal! In front of a campfire circle of friends, Rob proposed to Kelly with a gorgeous white gold, three diamond engagement ring. Between tears, Kelly accepted! We toasted with red wine and enjoyed our dinner of "trail stew," or "Gunks gumbo," as we called it on one camping trip, before we witnessed another amazing site--A BEAR! THERE WAS A BEAR RIGHT NEAR OUR CAMPFIRE! Rob, Brie and I quickly moved the table and all the food inside as the rest of our group was trying to get pictures of it. Crazy. The bear wandered away and none of us were hurt; we just couldn't believe it happened!

Never did I think I would jump off a bridge, see two of my close friends get engaged, or see a bear outside of a zoo!

And, when we got home, Home Tree was intact, the Furnace was standing strong, and only a few inches of water in the basement. Not too shabby. :)

Hebs (in blue) & Brie enjoying the kayaks

The lake at Sinnemahoning State Park

Jeff & Hubs (in blue) bringing the kayaks in after their turn on the lake

Hebs terrified of jumping off a bridge

Hebs "manning up" and jumping/falling!

The future Mr. & Mrs!

Brie disobeying this bridge's #1 rule: NO JUMPING!

Nala, Rob & Kelly's husky puppy...and soon-to-be girlfriend of Dexter!

Hebs & Hubs

New & old friends toasting the future Mr. & Mrs!

 **Photo credits again go to Jeff! I swear, I do take my own pictures sometimes, too. His are just too good. :)

emergency (from Dexter's perspective)

Mommy and Daddy took me to the vet last night. Mommy was very scared when she came home to let me out of my crate. She saw my lunch all around me, my blanket, and stuck in my hair. She took me upstairs to a big tub. I had never been in this room before, so I was very excited. Mommy gave me a bath and actually climbed in the tub with me. I think its because she was so worried, either that, or she's crazy. She called Daddy and he said he was leaving work and would be home soon.

After Mommy dried me off from my bath, I had an accident on the floor. Not the usual kind of accident, either, because instead of Mommy trying to run me outside, she looked very scared and decided to call my vet. 

Mommy and Daddy brought me right over to the vet. We saw a new vet this time, Dr. Chris, and we all loved her right away. She was funny and nice and kept calling me "Boo Boo," which I liked. Mommy thought she reminded her of her friend Brittany and liked her even more. She felt all around my body and I didn't like it when she put her hands on my belly. Dr. Chris outlined every possibility for Mommy and Daddy to decide. Did they want to do an X-ray? Give me shots? Inject fluids into my back? Take me home and make sure I had water? Mommy and Daddy decided that the shots and fluids would be best. They didn't think I had eaten anything weird. I try to put everything I see into my mouth, and to be honest, I don't know what I could have eaten, either!

I vomited on Dr. Chris's table and felt so embarrassed. Mommy started crying and telling me "its ok," and Daddy ran to get a vet tech to help. The nice vet tech girls came in to clean the table and then whisked me away to give me shots and the fluid injection. When I came back to Mommy and Daddy they laughed because now I had a hunchback!

When we got home, I was sick again and Daddy took care of me. Mommy freaked out and decided she needed to vacuum the entire house in case I was eating something funny from the carpet. Mommy set up my crate all the way upstairs so they could watch me sleep, I guess. I vomited in the crate, though, and Daddy took me outside at 2 a.m. so I could go potty outside.

Mommy and Daddy kept waking up to check on me all night. They are really nice. I should really stop trying to bite Mommy's fingers and Daddy's toes...but it is too much fun!

I'm sure Mommy will update this later when I'm feeling better. Right now, I'm going to take a nap and then have some lunch when I wake up. I hope I feel better soon. Mommy and Daddy will not let me out of their site! How is a pug supposed to have any fun?

dexter vs. ice cube

Dexter vs. ice cube, round one.

I think the ice cube has you beat this time, Dex!

home

Dexter is home! Detailed blog entry coming up this week on his first 24 hours at home, including the 2.5 hour drive, his first vet appointment, first trip to PetSmart, as well as how snuggly he is and how much he loves to play (and bite, oops!) Check back soon! But for now, enjoy this cute picture that Uncle Jeff took of Mommy and Dex snuggling.

Nothing says "happiness" like a warm puppy.

Post on cabin trip coming up, too! Daddy will have to puppy sit one night this week so Mommy can get some blogging done. :)

proposal

Hubs and I were were fortunate enough to witness something incredibly special during our weekend away at the cabin: the engagement of two of our closest friends! R proposed to K in front of a circle of friends around the campfire. No one knew it was coming and everyone around the fire struggled with their cameras to try to capture a few pictures as it was happening!

K's gorgeous ring! She was so surprised!

A group of friends, old and new, toasting to R & K's happiness! Can't wait for the wedding!











*photos taken by JAM & stolen by me ;)

Detailed post on the cabin trip coming up soon!

D-Day in T-minus 2 days! Hubs and I can't wait to get little Dex!

happy puppy

Just got back from an awesome weekend at Camp Wom-Wom! Caught up with old friends, made new friends, crossed a few items off my bucket list...but more on that later! Look for a long post about the cabin trip later in the week! :)

For now, enjoy a few pictures that the breeder emailed me of our boy, Dexter!

Dexter (the chubby one on the right) and his brother Hank enjoy admiring their reflections in the oven door. The breeder said they will look at themselves for awhile before they get excited at the puppy staring back at them...and then the barking begins! hehe. We're so glad that Dexter is a happy puppy who will be well-socialized before we bring him home.

Here is a group shot of 6 of the 8 puppies relaxing. We really lucked out with the breeder we chose after hearing some stories from other dog owners. There are reputable breeders out there, just make sure you do your research! We really examined every aspect of dog ownership before deciding to make a commitment to a pug!

hebs and hubs timeline: 2005 - now

1 began dating in may 2005. we met working at a movie theatre. hubs thought i was cute and quiet and asked me about 1,000 questions. i thought he was funny and loved his shaggy hair and thought we might have a "summer romance," which turned into "i found the one."

2 engaged in february 2009. hubs proposed on the morning we moved into our first apartment together. i thought the roses and champagne were a welcoming gift from our landlord and was confused when hubs gave me a gorgeous ring, asking; "what the heck is this?" before my answer of "yeah, of course!" to his proposal.

3 married april 2010. we had a beautiful ceremony at my church in front of our amazing families and friends. the best day of my life, hands down.

4 moved into our house july 2010. after seeing about 20 houses, we found our dream home. a twin farmhouse built in 1908, stripped down to the studs in 2007 and completely rebuilt. it really does have "old charm" with the ease of modern convenience. as soon as we walked into this house i said "i'm home."

5 met our pug, dexter, august 2011. we both fell instantly in love with a little, squirmy purebred pug puppy after researching numerous pug breeders online. we couldn't be happier with the breeder we chose and the new family member we gained. we are able to bring him home september 3!

Dexter at 4 weeks old